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i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
