is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
