I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
