i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
