i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
