Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
