I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
