I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
