I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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