You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
