Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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