just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
