dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
