u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
