haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
