Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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