I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
