my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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