lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
