I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
