Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
