false alarm. still invincible.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
