also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!