are you still at the devil's house?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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