i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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