The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize