and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
