I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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