just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.