Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
