I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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