Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
