I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
