May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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