Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
