So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
