I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
