just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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