someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
