dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
