i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
