Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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