I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
