I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
