Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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