We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
