i think i have two assholes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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