matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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