i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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