I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
