His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
