I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
