i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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