This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I need a burrito and a hug.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
