cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
