so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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