did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
