I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My feet surprised me
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