You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
