Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
