i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
