Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
