it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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