Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
