Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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