my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize