I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
