As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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