Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
