I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
