I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
