why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
