I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
