mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
